Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Tale of Violet Beauregarde


Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a lovely little morality play.

Consider Charlie Bucket. Charlie works his butt off and gives the money to his family. Charlie does his chores and never complains. Charlie isn't just a good little boy... the kid is perfect. Christlike in his perfection. So perfect that the writers of the first film adaptation (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) had to take him down a notch. The whole Fizzy Lifting Drink scene was added because the writers felt Charlie was a bit too perfect and the audience wouldn't be able to relate.

In contrast to the spotless sainthood that is Charlie you have the four most horrible children in the world. These are horrible, horrible little vermin. Augustus Gloop is pure gluttony. Veruca Salt is the ultimate spoiled child and was a brat way before Bratz. Mike TeeVee is an violent, uncaring little slug who doesn't listen, breaks the rules, and parks his lazy ass in front of the tube.

And then there is Violet Beauregard. What is Violet's mortal sin? Get this... she CHEWS GUM. Holy jumpin' jimminy, she chews gum.

Each of the "bad" children suffer a fate related to their sin. Gloop nearly drowns in the chocolate he loves, Salt ends up in the trash (didn't Charlie say something about bad salt being thrown out? No, wait, that was Christ), and TeeVee ends up shrunk and on, well, TV. Violet? She turns purple and blows up to enormous, body destroying proportions.

Let's face it. Violet isn't being singled out because she chews gum. I mean, Wonka makes the shit. Nope, it's because Violet is a go-getter. She's a winner. And we all know that any woman who is driven and determined is a royal bitch.

Don't tell me that Violet's sin is pride, and that her blueberry bulging is a metaphor for "puffing up with pride". This girl kicks ass, and she should be proud of her accomplishments. She doesn't deserve to be vilified. I mean come on, it isn't like she kissed Madonna. Or her son, Charlie.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Toonces Clause?

My cat's prescription comes with a warning that the drug may impair his ability to drive or operate machinery. Good to know.

iPhone iCons


Okay, it's been awhile. I'm going to try and get this going again.



So here's a new one for ya. Pay special attention to the icons...

Friday, June 22, 2007

The times they are a-changin'

''When you want to turn your mind on, you go to your computer. When you want to turn your mind off, you go to your television.'' - Steve Jobs, 1984

“Now users can enjoy YouTube wherever they are — on their iPhone, on their Mac or on a widescreen TV in their living room with Apple TV” - Steve Jobs, 2007

A skateboarding dog doesn't turn my mind on.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

Content Sutra

I saw an ad on Slate this morning for Cisco. The text of the ad reads "The human network fixed the Fray".

And the picture for this ad? Well, it just looks... wrong.

Friday, June 15, 2007

The cost of cheap


Thomas, is that egg on your face?

Brilliant: lead paint on toys. This is what happens when companies cut costs by moving their manufacturing overseas.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

How many times do I have to validate this thing?


Let me get this straight:
  • Microsoft sells me a product riddled with security holes.
  • Microsoft has to release patches to fill the holes.
  • Every time I want to actually apply one of these patches, Microsoft makes me install and run some type of validation tool. Every time.
Exactly whose 'advantage' is it?