Livin' on a Prayer Rug

I received this "prayer rug" in the mail the other day. I'm supposed to kneel on the rug and pray for a blessing. Examples on the letter include "a new car" and "a money blessing". "Peace in the Middle East" and "an end to starvation" are absent.

The rug tells you to stare into the closed eyes of Jesus and they will open. I immediately noticed the faint circles drawn into the eyelids, but I stared anyway. The result was the appearance of a kind of wide-eyed, zombie-looking Jesus (and, I believe, a sailboat).

After a night of sleep, I'm supposed to mail the rug (which is just a piece of paper) back to the church so that it can be sent to another in need of blessing. Which, if you think about it, is a REAL strange way for a deity to do business.